Gaslighting — What is Real and What Isn’t?

The term “gaslighting” has invaded popular culture and media worldwide. Though it has existed within the English vocabulary since 1938. The Patrick Hamilton play Gaslight and eventual film adaption of 1944 is what gave the term meaning it has now. The plot revolves around a cunning and manipulative husband who tries to deprive his wife of reality so as to steal her family heirlooms. The husband further convinces her that she is unstable and causes her to stop trusting herself. He uses various tactics including toying with their gas- powered lights to make them flicker. Hence the term “gaslight” grew synonymous with emotional abuse or manipulation.

In the film Midsommar, Christian constantly undermines Dani’s emotions and anxieties. He feels that she is being clingy and needy by wanting his support during an emotional period. He makes her feel like despite “all the problems she has caused,” he still loves her. It is due to his perspective and actions towards the relationship that Dani is constantly second-guessing herself, is perplexed, and is constantly apologizing to (and for) her lover.

The ‘gaslighter’ in essence, manipulates by replacing the victim’s subjective narrative with theirs, causing the victim to question their own personal interpretation of the reality. This can exist within family and friendly dynamics as well. All of these things can affect someone’s mental health and self-esteem in the long run. They may also make it more difficult for the person to escape an abusive relationship.

There are ways to identify and deal with gaslighting. Common phrases that might be used are: “you are making things up,” “that never happened.” It is essential to hold firm in one’s truth and beliefs in these situations. It is critical to exercise self-validation and identify when a conversation feels circular and unjust. Existence of a support system in these environments can help in a meaningful way. The external validation of the victim’s narrative and beliefs can help them to trust themselves. The emotional support other than the abuser can also prove essential in getting out of an abusive situation.

Most importantly, someone who is at the receiving end of gaslighting should know that they are not “crazy” and they are not “overreacting.” It is necessary to practice self-compassion and allow yourself to cope with the situation at one’s own pace.

Written by: Shristi Das

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