The Modern Woman: Do-it-all
What Television and Media show us:
If you look at the TV soaps nowadays, there’s a change in how they portray women. Really! Before, women used to take care of the house, leave their jobs and devote themselves to their kids, in-laws and husband. Yes, the woman used to bear the burden of the housework. She woke up early, made breakfast and lunch, sent the husband off to the office, cleaned the house, made dinner, and did 1000s of tasks. Now, women are seen through a ‘Naari-Shakti’ lens. NOW, she has no restrictions; she can do the ‘men’s work’ as well. She is allowed to work, she is allowed to have parties with friends, it’s okay for her to go out sometimes, but she must also do ALL the housework. She can do both; that’s how strong she is. It’s her duty. After all, a woman who takes care of the house and turns it into a home is a worthy woman, right?
Even in advertisements and videos where the woman’s excessive labor is sympathized with, the watchers are somehow supposed to turn a blind eye to the fact that clearly, she is overworking. And focus more on how this particular condiment can ease her pain. The pain that society is well aware of. The pain that society thinks all women have to bear as part of their gender identity.
The Modern woman trope:
What’s more, the 21st century has caused an influx of breaking gender roles; men can work in the house, and women can work outside. Women are ambitious to make a career and be self-sustainable. So let’s expect them to work in the house and work outside. Because nothing can stop an empowered woman, right? They are the self-sacrificing, ever grateful and all-accommodating beings who keep everyone happy.
We expect our girls, our mothers and all the women out there to do it all. Mothers do the housework. Housework includes cooking, cleaning, washing utensils, washing clothes, racking the utensils, drying and sorting out the clothes, tidying the home every 5 minutes, and providing anything to anyone at any time…I could go on. Mothers pay the bills, go to school events for their kids, and network with other mothers, teachers, and neighbors to ensure their child is safe. Men? They earn money. They ‘help’ with the grocery. They occasionally try to cook something ‘for fun’. But hey, they work throughout the day. And when they come home, they are too tired to move or do anything (which often happens, no doubt.)
Women have for so long been burdened with excessive workloads. Forget all the foreign ideologies talking about feminism for a minute. Look around you, what do you see? Is it fair? Is it something we can work on? Aren’t women getting tired as well? Women are not extraordinary celestial beings with immense love, energy and warmth. They are humans as well. Moreover, the expectations we set for women to be all-rounders, the entitlement we hold over them, has it become so normal that we feel like it’s natural?
As a country with meta cultural changes, we try to incorporate modernity to showcase our wokeness. We try to include the newer ideologies to rid the old regressive ideas without heeding that maybe what we require is not modernization. There has to be a disintegration of the system that places women on one side of life and men on the other.
The baseline:
It’s not cute when your mom has a habit of being benevolent to everyone in the house. She has latched her identity to how people close to her feel every minute of the day.
It’s not cute when your daughter can make you tea and pick up after housework like her mother used to. Your daughter is learning what makes a woman. And housework is shown as a part of becoming that woman.
It’s not cute that women are super emotional and showcase their love and care through their work and all-doer attitude.
And I don’t think a disclaimer saying that women can do what they want is needed here. We know that. The fact is, women can do what they want, as long as it aligns with what their families and socio-cultural milieu want.
After reading this, just think if there are any gender stereotypes for men and women that you have seen? Forget what others say, what you have read till now, and what controversies pop up around you. Just Observe.
(AND let’s not even go to gender non-conforming identities yet, that is a whole other box to unpack).
Written by: Sadiya Mulla
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